Wars, Battles and Rewards

In in journey you have a place that you start from and a place that you want to end at. You have to have goals. Otherwise how to you know how you are doing and where you are going?

Long term goals: My long term goal is to be a size 10. That is size where I think I will be comfortable and easy to maintain. Not to mention...look good, because lets face it... I want to look good! That is a huge part of losing weight... yes, getting healthy is all great and everything, but let's be honest, it is nice when you walk into a room and notice a man or woman, whatever your orientation, notices you. I hear Sandra Bullock in my head now... You think I'm pretty, you want to date me... haha!

But if you start at a size 24 and think "Okay, I want to be a size 10" that is sooo overwhelming... don't do that. Set that long term goal, that is your war. Wars are broke down into battles... battles are short term goals.

Short term goals: My short term goal is to lose a size.I have never concentrated on my actual weight, I have concentrated on what size I am wearing. So, the most logical thing for me is to set lose a size as my short term goal. I also usually set a time limit on reaching my goal... this is to push myself... it is purely for me. You do what makes you most comfortable. My current goal is to lose 2 sizes by Thanksgiving... I have reached half that goal. My next short term goal is to lose a size by Christmas and then guess what... I have reached my long term goal and I have won my war.

If you are going by weight, then determine what goal would work for you and that won't be overwhelming... if it is still overwhelming then you need to break it down more. For me a size is about 20 lbs... but that may feel like too much, do 5 or 10 lbs. Make it doable for you!

Reward yourself. For each short term goal that I acheive I buy myself a new pair of jeans... because I need them, but I also try, if I can afford it at the time, to buy myself something special... usually a pretty bra and panty set. It is something just for me, that makes me feel a little extra pretty. I don't always buy them in my current size, sometimes I buy them a size smaller ... something to look forward to.

My reward for when I win my war is a tattoo...

This on the back of left shoulder, but it is going to say   " ... And I simply decided to be happy again".
Because that is exactly what I did. And this will forever remind me to stay happy, no matter what life throws at me.

I think for my one year maintaining my weight loss I want to get another tattoo.

Something like this only smaller on my right shoulder. I haven't quite figured out if I am brave enough to do it yet.

So.. set a long term overwhelming goal... then set several smaller goals and reward yourself when you win that battle. Then reward yourself big time when you win that war.

So This is My Life (Personal)

Remember how I said this wasn't just about losing weight? This is one of those posts.

Somedays I wake up and I lay in bed and think "So this is my life." This is not how I had always pictured my life at 40. I am at a place where I have no plans for the future, just getting through the day is enough on some days. This is one of those days. I have those days more than I care to admit. I have no real hopes or dreams anymore. We used to talk about how we would take our grandkids on these huge vacations and how we would retire in Colorado. And now... I can't seem to think past today and even today is a bit sketchy.

It isn't that I want Scotty back... trust me I do not. I find that I miss the plans for the future more than I have missed him. And as I told him, when he wanted to work things out after the divorce, I have a hard time seeing a future without him, but I have just as hard a time seeing my future with him. Sometimes the hardest decision you make is whether to try harder or to walk away. I chose to walk away at that moment. And I never regret that decision.

I am a plan it out kind of girl. And I suddenly have found myself unsettled and unplanned and completely unprepared and some days I don't know how to find my way back to settled, planned and prepared. And that leaves me confused and I hate being confused.

I haven't even figured out what triggers these days. I had a great day yesterday and it ended with my best friend coming over to watch Primal Fear and after she left Emaleigh came by and I got to visit with her for a little while. And then I watched an episode of Sons of Anarchy... my new Netflix addiction. And this morning I woke up thinking... "So this is my life." And I will probably be weepy all day long. If I knew what triggered it... I would know what to do with it.

Most days are great and most days I say "THIS IS MY LIFE!!! YES!!!" Why is it that the down days seem to cast a shadow on the great days?

Anyway, that is where I am today... I love the line from the Eagles song Wasted Time... "You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line. But I know what's been on your mind. You're afraid it's all been wasted time." That pretty much sums up days such as this.

Now to tie this into weight loss.... Do you know how much I want a package of OREOs on these days? I can smell 'em! For those of you that don't know, my motto is... OREOs fix EVERYTHING!!! But I know that thinking is what put the weight on in the first place, so I will just say NO!

And since my whole purpose is to entertain and to make people laugh or at least smile... I will leave you with one of my favorite SOA people .... Charlie Hunnam aka Jax.

 

 

Well... I don't know about you... but this makes me much happier than OREOs! YUM!

 

Busted Can of Biscuits (Keeping Motivated)

So... some days I just feel like I have made no progress at all... I wonder when I am a size ten if I will still feel that way. Probably. I call those days Busted Can of Biscuits days. If you have seen the way a can of bisuits busts open and the biscuits lump out all over the place, you will understand what I mean by that.

 

On my BCB days, I take pics and do before and after shots of myself, just to remind myself on where I came from and where I am going. And if it is a really bad day, I post it on facebook and get an ego boost... You have to have those sometimes and there is nothing wrong with it. It not only helps keep you motivated, but it also helps to inspire others to lose weight also. I have been shocked, not only the number of people that have told me that I have inspired them, but some of the people that I don't that well who tell me what an inspiration I have been to them. I am truly honored and humbled by that.  

 

Here is my most recent picture:

I have it printed out and taped on my desk so that I can glance up and see it for those BCB moments. A quick fix if you will. :)

 

Let me encourage you, that if you are going to start losing weight, please take before pics of yourself. I know it sucks monkey butt...serious monkey butt... however, I now wish that I had more before pics of myself. I had to find my before picture on someone else's facebook page. I avoided cameras. I think everyone that I know has a picture of me flipping them off. They can't use the picture if there is something obscene in it ... right?!?!? As you lose a jean size take a pic of yourself in them. And then do a collage of the Before and Now. You may not see a huge difference at first, but you will by the second jean size.

 

Don't get discouraged either. Especially in the beginning. I read somewhere that it takes 6 weeks for you to really notice a difference and about 10 weeks for others to notice. Trust me, the time goes by quickly and once you start dropping jean sizes, it goes by even quicker. Trust me.

 

This morning was a Busted Can of Biscuits morning. I decided to do somehing a little bit different. I laid my old jeans out (yes I kept them so to remind me of where I don't want to be ever again) and laid my current size jeans on top of them.

 

Quite a bit of difference. Then I decided to put on my jeans and then see if my old ones fit over them... they did... and they were loose!

And a nice little bonus... I had purchased the white and black shirt at Cato's probably 4 years ago, it was on clearance for $4.00 and I LOVED it. Problem was it was about 3 sizes too small. But I didn't care... I will lose weight and wear it. I always told myself that if I could just get into that shirt, I would be satisfied.... Well, I got into that shirt over a month ago and it is now very loose on me. I am kind of sad about that too. haha!

But not sad enough to stop.

Do what you need to do to stay motivated. My biggest help is pictures... they don't lie.

 

 

 



 

 

Exercise

So, I think that maybe since I am half way through my journey here, I need to do this by topic.

I think that the topic today will be exercise... yes, a very dirty word I know! My number one form of exercise is walking. The reason why I began walking is very very simple... I became so unbelievably pissed off at my ex husband one evening that I couldn't sit still... so I went for a walk. I walked 2 miles, including up Red Hill. If you are from my area, you know that Red Hill is a very steep hill and it almost gave me heart failure.

I then figured out that walking also helped to relieve other frustrations... if you get what I mean... :) I am now up to 6 miles a day, if that tells you anything at all! haha!!

I suggest that if you have problems with motivating yourself to walk (or whatever your choice of exercise is, I walk so that is the example I will use) that you find someone to walk with you. There were many times that I just didn't feel like walking, but my best friend Krissi pops up on a facebook chat and says... Hey!! We walking tonight? ... Well, of course we are... (dang it). We have had some of our best conversations and most brilliant ideas while walking. We have learned many things about each other while walking... For example: Krissi will do really nice dance moves to avoid stepping on a crack. And she goes all Ninja if she runs into a spider web... for some reason Moves like Jagger just popped into my head.

I also enjoy walking by myself sometimes. I turn on Pandora.... love the Def Leppard station, excellent walking tunes... put in my earbuds and clear my head of all of the days problems and worries and just enjoy the scenery and the music.

I know it can be hard to find the time to do it. Here is my thought on that:

 

I get up at five in the morning to walk on days that I know that I won't have time to walk in the evening. I have had monstrous blisters on my toes and yet I still walked 5 miles... because it is important to me. I walk in the dark just as much, if not more, than I do in the light.

Exercise does not have to be work... make it fun for you... make it work for you.

Beginning

I guess this is just like any story... you start at the very beginning. I at first thought this would just be about my weight loss, but have realized that it really is more than that. My whole journey in losing weight involves me trying to find myself and figure out who I am and who I want to be.

So, here is a brief bio of me. My name is Jill Barnes, I have the most amazing parents that I fondly refer to as Ward and June (because they are so darned normal!) I have 2 sisters and a brother, who are just as amazing as my parents. We were raised to be loyal, honest and hard working and to think for ourselves.  And I am thankful for that. At the age of 21 I had a daughter named Emaleigh and then married Scotty a couple of months later and then when I was 23 I had a daughter named Kaitlyn. These girls have no idea how much they have meant to me, especially over the last year... there are many days that they are the reason that I got out of bed in the morning.

Anyway... my marriage was a difficult one. I wouldn't say unhappy really, although at times it was. I am in no way shape or form using this to trash Scotty, my children are half him and to trash him would be to trash them. We both had our faults. We stayed married for 18 years... no one can say that we didn't try! We did. Our divorce was granted the first week of August. I can honestly say that I did not shed a tear that day.

Anyway.... When I met Scotty, at the age of 17, I was a size 7-9. I will have to find a picture of myself to prove it haha! After 2 kids and 18 years of marriage.... I had become... and I can't even believe I am going to put this out for the world to see.... a size 24... and it was tight.

 

 

 

 

Yep... that was me alright. I didn't start off intending to lose weight really. I just noticed that since I wasn't cooking big meals every night, since it was just me and girls, that I just seemed to be losing weight. I would say that I lost about 20 pounds and about a size between April and August. After the divorce was granted I decided that I wanted to make some real changes to my life. Not just on the outside, but on the inside. I had lived my life for so long as Scotty's wife and Emaleigh and Kaitlyn's mom.

 

Anyway.... that is where this part of my journey begins... deciding that I have to make a life for myself... apart from being anyone's wife or mother. Some days in this journey are good, some days are bad... some are just downright confusing. But it is my journey.